It's the little things

I've been in pain for 3 weeks now....2 weeks of neck pain, 1 week of low back pain.  Needless to say, I've had enough!  But, through the pain and frustration comes realization- it's the little things that make life matter.  It's the little things that I take for granted...things that I do normally without thinking, simply because I can.  It's the little moments that are carved into our memories.  It's the little things that make me smile, laugh or sometimes cry.  It's the little things that accumulate into big things.  Every day is filled with little moments that create a day, week, month, year, and then...a lifetime.

Most of all, it's the little steps of obedience that lead us into God's will and plan for our lives.  Looking back over the past few years I see periods of time when I was so on fire for God...serving, praying, seeking and building a solid relationship with my heavenly Father.   And then I look back at the past year or so.  It's in the reflection of this year that I see my faith has "dulled", I've not been serving as much, praying enough, seeking fervently...basically I've gotten lazy- better yet, I've become content.

And so, through the pain I've been experiencing over the past 3 weeks, I've spent a lot of time asking God, WHY?  Asking for his help, and healing.  I've had conversations with God that were tearful and I've told him that I know there is always a reason, always a purpose for the things that we walk through.  I've asked him for answers and explanations.  As pain or suffering will often do....it brought me closer to God.  And now...he has reignited the fire that had been dimmed.  He has shown me that he really is nearby, all the time...listening and loving me even when I'm too busy to slow down and feel it.  He is causing me to draw near to him and he is filling up the empty places. One of my favorite worship songs says it best...

"The more I seek you...the more I find you.

The more I find you...the more I love you.

I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand

Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat.

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand

I melt in your peace, it's overwhelming."

And so I've gotten what I believe to be my answer to the question...why God?  Why have I had to hurt so intensely? What's the purpose of ongoing pain like this? Why won't you just heal me and make me whole so that I can get back to my life?  Because this pain has made me stronger, when I drew near to him and began seeking his will for my life instead of my own- it strengthened my relationship God.  Because it makes me slow down and pay attention to the little things that I so often forget or neglect in "busyness" of life.  Because it's not all the THINGS that I can do, or keep done that matter.  Sometimes it's just about slowing down and enjoying the little things that God places in my path to bless me (I'm sad to say I've missed out on quite a few blessings because they have slipped by, ignored because I was simply to busy).  Because I need to pay closer attention to the little things that God is doing all around me...

I am recovering well from the back pain thanks to the "slowing down" I've been forced to do.  I believe I'm getting my healing through the power of God, no doubt.  It's just not on my terms...I want it to be instant but God is teaching me through the process.  It's not about what I want...it's about what God wants.

It's the little things.  I have 2 girls watching, growing and learning from me.  A lot of what they see (or don't see) me do or say will determine how they respond to God's call for their lives. And so, I resolve pay more attention to the little things...